There are no words to explain what my sister meant to me or the loss I have felt this past year.
In a sense, I feel like half of me went with her.
You see she and I had this almost secret language. Unless you’ve shared that with someone you can’t understand.
Words didn’t need to be spoken. She knew what I was thinking and feeling. Without saying a word. Bad times and good.
She knew my sense of humor. We just looked at each other and laughed because we already knew what the other was thinking.
I knew when no one else had my back. She always would. We didn’t always agree and she didn’t mind telling me so. I always knew in the end. She would support me no matter what. Just as I would her.
No one could mess with her baby sister. She was quick to come to my defense. That really annoyed me sometimes because I can and am not afraid to stand up for myself. In her eyes, I was always her baby sister that needed looking after. So I never told her that because I knew it came from love.
We shared so much. Laughter and pain. We were the keepers of each other’s secrets.
45 years of love and friendship. So you see part of my story is missing…I miss my protector. I wish she could annoy me just one more time!
But this beautiful mess called life goes on.
And beautiful it is! I look ahead to the memories to come and carry you along in my heart.
I love and miss you so much but I will give you away.
My sister shared the following writing with me ( written by: Merritt Malloy ) This is what she would want.
When I die
Give what is left of me away
and old men that wait to die
and if you need to cry,
cry for your brother
walking the street beside you.
and when you need me,
put your arms
and give them
what you need to give me.
I want to leave you with something
Look for me
in the people, I’ve known
and if you cannot give me away,
at least let me live in your eyes
and not your mind.
You can love me most
hands touch hands,
by letting bodies touch bodies,
and letting go
that need to be free.
Love doesn’t die
So, when all that’s left of me
Give me away
– by Merritt Malloy