Missing My Maxi

2018-08-15-09-10-13

Last Monday I had to say bye to my Maxi forever. It has been a trying week. I wasn’t prepared for the flood of emotions his death has brought on. I’ve always been one to bounce back or be able to carry on in the worst of situations.

I’ve never been depressed and these overwhelming feelings of sadness scared me.

I have lost pets before. It always saddens me. They aren’t just pets. They are members of my family.

I thought I was prepared because he first became ill several months ago. I wasn’t holding on to too much hope when we first took him to the vet but the vet felt he could be treated. He made a miraculous recovery. He was his old self. Playing and showing his crazy lovable personality again. I was so happy to have my feisty kitty back.

He was actually almost done with treatment when all of a sudden he took a turn for the worst. He had developed a secondary infection. We hoped that antibiotics would cure the infection and we would be back on the road to recovery.

Somehow losing Max was different. I felt so overwhelmed. I couldn’t eat. I couldn’t stop thinking about him. Wondering if I could have done something different. I felt guilty for not ending his suffering in time. The last thing I wanted was for him to suffer.

I know in my head I did everything I possibly could but my heart isn’t getting that message.

Just before he passed he came to me and laid his head on my chest as he always did. I knew he was saying bye this time. I told him I loved him and that I knew he was tired. I just hope in the last moments I spent with him he knew how much he was loved.

It brings me peace that he is no longer suffering but I have had an extremely hard time letting go. Every time I go into my room my stomach aches. The room feels so empty. I still find myself forgetting he’s gone and hurrying through daily tasks to get back to him and make sure he’s okay.

Each day has become a little easier and I know in time the sadness will go away. The memories will fill my heart with joy rather than pain but I will always miss my baby.

I love you Maxi.

IMG_20150806_073832  2018-08-15-09-11-08

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37 thoughts on “Missing My Maxi

  1. I’m so sorry for your loss. It is so sad. It’s important you grieve in whatever way you need to. I was depressed for months losing my first dog. I still talk to him all the time. Rip max 🌈🌈🌈

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  2. I’m so sorry for your loss. It hurts to lose our dear feline friends. Tears help, and knowing you gave Maxi a happy life and loving home. When you are ready another kitty will find you and make its way into your heart.

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  3. Oh Shannon, my heart goes out to you. What a beautiful boy. We lost our beloved cat of 16 yrs old, 4 years ago, and it hits hard. Grieve for as long as it takes. Took me almost a year before I could talk about him and now its remembering all the happy memories. We still haven’t got a new cat as not ready. Take one day at a time.

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  4. Never easy losing a beloved pet. Just over a week ago I had to put down my 14 year cat. She had a toe infection that the vet suspected was cancer and may have speaad to her lungs. After 8 days of suffering I had to make the decision to have her put down. The hardest thing I ever had to do. The vet put her in the box I brought and I buried her in my backyard.

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  5. Maxi new how much you love him,and he loved you! Take time to grieve,he was a big part of your life while you had him! Good bye little Max! You will be missed!

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  6. We tend to have great sorrow because we have great love. There is no magical formula for grieving. You will always feel a lost, but you will handle it differently as time goes on. Rest in knowing that you gave Maxi happiness and caring in his life and that love was returned. Thanks for sharing the photos.

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  7. I am so very sorry, I can only imagine your heartache. I felt the same with my dog dying in the sense that I was glad he wasn’t suffering, but I ached so much for him, missed him so much, and I felt bereft. It’s 6 years later and I still get teary to think of him. Maxi had a great life with you and you’ll never lose those memories. Sending hugs ♥

    Caz xx

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  8. I am so deeply sorry for your loss. I know first hand how emotional this can be as we lost one of our cats to cancer a few years ago. The pain this causes is explainable and honestly still hurts my heart when I think about her. Maxi will always live on in your heart. I am sending you lots of love and tender thoughts.

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