Only I Can Choose

A funny thing happened this past Friday. Well I can say it’s funny now. It had been a difficult day already. I wasn’t feeling well. My leg was dragging and my arm just didn’t feel right.

 

I went outside for a bit but when I tried to come in I found myself stuck. It’s not unusual for me to hold on to the handle of the glass sliding door to aid in helping me raise my left foot over the step. I couldn’t do that this time. It was as if my brain just quit. My legs didn’t know what they were supposed to do. My left arm had gone completely limp. I was standing there just stuck. I could feel my legs start to tremble and knew I was going to go down.

 
At that time I called out to my son and told him he was going to have to come help me. He was afraid of hurting me and unsure what to do. He put out his hand to help me. I said no, you’re going to have to lift me. I can’t move. I felt my legs start to slide.

In that moment I started to tear up a little. I thought to myself is this what my life has come to. What’s going to be next. I felt bad for my son because he was unsure how to help.

 

Luckily just then my daughter came in and realized what was going on. She explained to my son how to lift me and told him just hold me up. She went and got her office chair and had him put me in it.

 
Then the jokes started about how they had to rescue me with an office chair and how if we ever built a house it would have to lean-to one side. How they would tell people we have to have a slanted floor. To you it’s not level  but see my mom leans to one side. So it’s perfect. It balances her out. 🙂

 
I struggle every day physically at one time or another. The struggles have increased over the last few months. I find myself once again adapting to a new me. I’ve had many ups and downs. I hate to admit that I have been letting things frustrate me more than usual. Things that I have no control over. Things that really don’t matter in the big picture. Then I become frustrated at myself for being frustrated. That’s not me.

 
Sometimes it’s in these moments of weakness that we are reminded what it’s all about. Hearing the laughter and jokes from my kids reminded me. Only I can choose how things affect me. I needed that reminder.