In Need of a Friend

Our story. Through my eyes.

When I met Greg I was in no way looking for anything. I was happy with my life the way it was. Just my kids and I. I loved my job and spent my off days working in the yard or on some project in the house.

I wasn’t against love or believed it was something that couldn’t happen to me. I just didn’t need a man to be happy. I was content with the way things were.

Greg is one of the most unique men I have ever met. I’ve never known a man so accepting of others. Although he may not agree. He never judges anyone. From the day I met him I felt I could tell him anything. I was totally comfortable. It was easy as if I had known him for years.

He is one of the most caring and generous individuals I have ever known. His dedication to family is visible in everything he does. If ever anyone is in need he is there to help any way, he can. Sometimes this worries me because I wonder if he is stretched more than he deserves. I wonder if he feels taken for granted. If he ever does, he never lets it be known. It just isn’t his way.

Never to this day have I ever heard Greg raise his voice at anyone or disrespect anyone. The only voice raising or yelling from him are at football games. I often wonder how he manages to do this. Even the best of people have their limits. I know I’ve been guilty of it a few times.

 

He is one of the weirdest people I know too! He will sing random things or make strange noises in the kitchen while fixing something to eat. Like I remember a particular time where out of nowhere he just started singing ” It’s a Beautiful Day in the Neighborhood” from Mr. Rogers Neighborhood. Who does that? (oh yeah that would be me) Greg has this grin. I’m still trying to figure out what causes it. I often ask him what was that? What does that mean? He says he doesn’t know what I’m talking about. You don’t just grin like that for no reason. Some thought went through your head to cause it. It’s a grin like a kid that got caught with his hand in the cookie jar. I tease him about it but it’s cute and it makes me smile.

All of these things are what makes me love and admire him. His acceptance of people and their differences. His family values. His sometimes childlike ways and all of his weirdness. Truth be told I’m weird too.  I love all of these things about him and I wouldn’t change a thing. There is no one in the world I would rather share my weirdness with.

Now back to the beginning. Like I said I wasn’t looking for anything when I met Greg but here he was. Sometimes I look back and wonder how we made it here. It really started as a friendship. He was just looking for someone to talk to. His words. I thought ok what harm could there be in that but really inside I was thinking that’s what they all say.

I got my first glimpse of how strange he was from the start. He asked me odd questions. Not the questions men generally ask. Like what my favorite color was and my favorite flower. He probably thought wow this girl is strange too by my answers. He asked questions as if he actually wanted to know about me. The only question I remember him ever asking about my physical appearance is was my hair really red and were my eyes fake. (really green) My reply to that was something sarcastic. I think I said something along the lines of yes my hair is real but sorry I just borrowed the eyes. (not really these are my real green eyes) He never asked anything out of line or focused on my looks. Don’t get me wrong. It’s nice to hear you’re pretty. What woman doesn’t want to hear that! It was refreshing that he was about more than that.  Conversation was easy. I enjoyed talking to him. It was a nice change. I shared things with him I had never shared with anyone and wondered why I felt so comfortable with him.

Then there it was. He wanted to bring lunch to me at work. A part of me didn’t want to let him. I didn’t want things to change but I agreed. Just as I was supposed to meet him my sons school called. He was sick and needed to be picked up.  I apologized and I felt bad but my son comes first. He understood and would have done the same.

For a while it continued the same texting and talking. Then it just stopped. I’ve never been one to talk to or text a man that doesn’t make an effort. No hard feelings but if it doesn’t go both ways it’s time to move on. I remembered how he had said he just needed a friend so I went against everything I had always done in the past. I continued to text him every morning just to say. How are you and have a great day? His response would be. I’m ok and you too. Nothing more than that. Not the same guy I had been talking to. Again I remembered he needed a friend.  I thought maybe this is the time he really needed that person just to say how are you? Then he stopped answering all together. That’s when I decided no more. I tried. He knew where I was if he needed to talk. Two maybe even three weeks passed before I received a text from him. I had just come home from work and started cooking dinner when I received a message saying. What are you doing? I looked at it and then just put the phone down and continued what I was doing. I thought really! Three weeks later a random text what are you doing? No, how are you? Whatever! That’s exactly what I thought. I’m a nice person though so I text back. I probably said Oh and how are you?? I don’t know what happened after that but we talked all night.

Once again it was just like it had been. Talking all night. About nothing and yet everything.

Finally, we agreed to meet for lunch again.  I couldn’t tell you what we talked about though because every time I took a bite of my lunch I caught him staring at me. I started to think I had something on my face. It was nice though and I was completely comfortable other than the staring. 🙂 He walked me to my car and asked if he could give me a hug. He hugged me and kissed my cheek. It was sweet.

I left lunch thinking what am I going to do. Picture crazy lady (me) talking to herself as she drives away. Yes, I was actually driving down the road asking myself what I was going to do. I wasn’t ready for anything more than a friendship but I knew from that day on I needed him in my life.

From that point on we became closer and closer. He knew I was scared of letting someone in and that I wasn’t capable of that at the time. I say that but really I had already let him in. More than anyone before. Looking back, I realize I just couldn’t admit that to myself. I couldn’t let him know how I really felt. I guess in my mind somehow if he didn’t know how I felt he couldn’t truly hurt me. When he decided to up and leave no harm would be done. I could just go on with life as usual and I would have. That’s one thing I know about myself. I can pick up and keep going. In a sense I don’t allow myself to get too attached. Greg was different.

The first time he told me he loved me. He said I don’t want to scare you and I know that you may not be able to return it and I understand but I need you to know I love you. What do you say? Thank you. He was right. I couldn’t. I wanted to but I couldn’t.  I told him I was sorry but I couldn’t return that right now. Again he said I understand. I just needed to tell you how I felt.

At this point I felt it was it was necessary to tell him that I had MS. I wanted him to be aware of what having MS means. All though I didn’t know and still can’t be certain what is in the future. I wanted him to know what the possibilities and probabilities were. Once again being sarcastic I said if you want to run now’s the time. He didn’t. He just asked questions to better understand.

It wasn’t long after that I realized I had to admit to myself how I felt. More than that I needed to let him know. He deserved to know that I felt the same love for him he had shown me.

As great as it was and as in love with him as I was. Things in life just have a way happening. We did end up going our separate ways.

There wasn’t a day that went by I didn’t think of him. Wonder if he was ok. If he was happy. What he was doing. Miss talking to him. Miss his smile and the touch of his hand. I missed my friend most of all.

A little more than a year passed. It was a rough year for me. I made many mistakes and I found myself more in need of my friend than ever before. Many times I started to send him a message but what do you say out of the blue a year later? Would he even talk to me? I was prepared for the possibility that he wouldn’t and I wasn’t looking to pick up where we left off. I was in no place for that. I just needed a friend that I could talk to without judgment. Greg had always been that for me. I finally went for it. What was the worst that could happen? Tell me to get lost. I sent him a text and asked if this was Greg. You never know these days’ numbers change. He replied yes. Who is this? I told him it was Shannon. He said Shannon who or which Shannon. I said really! The one with the fake eyes. He laughed and said he knew who it was. We exchanged the how are you and caught up a bit. Then I told him I need to tell you about the last year. That I just needed a friend but that if he decided to tell me to get lost I would understand. His reply was the same it had always been. He said you don’t need to tell me anything. There is nothing you could tell me Shannon that would change my view of you. I thought well let me tell you first because I’ve made some really big mistakes.

A lot happened between the beginning and today. Most people would have gone their own way for good. That’s why I wonder sometimes how we ended up here. I’m thankful every day that I took the chance to find my friend again. I’m even more thankful my friend was the same accepting friend I had come to know and love.

 

I love you more,

Red

 

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