It’s been awhile since I have posted. I wrote a post a few weeks back but never published it. I just wasn’t ready. Though it was very heartfelt it some how wasn’t what I really wanted to say.
Last week was my birthday. I went to see my sister and we finally got our matching tats. We have had these planned for over a year but something seem to always come up. It’s not like she lives right around the corner. It’s 3 1/2 hour drive. Any way we finally got them and I’m so glad we did. Anyone that has read some of my other blogs knows that my Sis and I are very close. We are twins only born 4 1/2 years apart! LOL. We are that close. There was a time we let our lives get between us in a way. We were both taking care of our families. We didn’t stay in touch like we should have.
I always knew she was there if I needed her and she would be in my corner ready to fight.
While visiting my sister I realized the reason I hadn’t been able to write. To say what I wanted is because I am not being myself. I think I’ve let myself lose a bit of who I am. So here I am saying even I lose sight of myself sometimes.
Over the last year I haven’t been eating the best. I’m not saying I’ve been eating bad exactly but not the way I have over the last 12 yrs. I’ve never been one to eat junk. I don’t eat sweets. Not that there is anything wrong with a treat once in awhile. I just don’t like sweets. I haven’t had a doughnut in probably 13yrs. I hate chocolate! Weird I know but I really hate it. So much that I can’t even stand the smell of it. What changed this last year I’m not really sure other than my mobility has changed. I can’t workout like I used to because of that I have gained some weight. I don’t feel like myself in that sense so maybe a part of me gave up.
My mobility issue I think plays the biggest part in the things that have transpired this last year. I went from a very active and a I can do it myself person to a I need some help from time to time person in a very short time. I haven’t been able to work. To support myself. This is very difficult for me to accept. Not only because I love working but it has taken part of who I am away. I can no longer say ” I got this”.
Other things have taken place that I can not change. I can’t move it forward. It isn’t up to me. I had hoped things would happen. Things I wanted to do. I hoped and held on to the possibility it would come true before I could no longer walk. The possibility turned into anger with the changes my body has seen this last year. Yes, I can still walk but I can’t say what another year will bring.
The journey continues. I set out on a quest to get back to me. Accept what I can not change. Change what I still have control over. Myself, my mind, and my health. ( that is be the healthiest me I can be)