Back to Myself

It’s been awhile since I have posted. I wrote a post a few weeks back but never published it. I just wasn’t ready. Though it was very heartfelt it some how wasn’t what I really wanted to say.

Last week was my birthday. I went to see my sister and we finally got our matching tats. We have had these planned for over a year but something seem to always come up. It’s not like she lives right around the corner. It’s 3 1/2 hour drive. Any way we finally got them and I’m so glad we did. Anyone that has read some of my other blogs knows that my Sis and I are very close. We are twins only born 4 1/2 years apart! LOL. We are that close. There was a time we let our lives get between us in a way. We were both taking care of our families. We didn’t stay in touch like we should have.

our sister tats
Our Sister Tats 2/18/2016

I always knew she was there if I needed her and she would be in my corner ready to fight.

 

While visiting my sister I realized the reason I hadn’t been able to write. To say what I wanted is because I am not being myself. I think I’ve let myself lose a bit of who I am. So here I am saying even I lose sight of myself sometimes.

Over the last year I haven’t been eating the best. I’m not saying I’ve been eating bad exactly but not the way I have over the last 12 yrs. I’ve never been one to eat junk. I don’t eat sweets. Not that there is anything wrong with a treat once in awhile. I just don’t like sweets. I haven’t had a doughnut in probably 13yrs. I hate chocolate! Weird I know but I really hate it. So much that I can’t even stand the smell of it. What changed this last year I’m not really sure other than my mobility has changed. I can’t workout like I used to because of that I have gained some weight. I don’t feel like myself in that sense so maybe a part of me gave up.

My mobility issue I think plays the biggest part in the things that have transpired this last year. I went from a very active and a I can do it myself person to a I need some help from time to time person in a very short time.  I haven’t been able to work. To support myself. This is very difficult for me to accept. Not only because I love working but it has taken part of who I am away. I can no longer say ” I got this”.

Other things have taken place that I can not change. I can’t move it forward. It isn’t up to me. I had hoped things would happen. Things I wanted to do. I hoped and held on to the possibility it would come true before I could no longer walk. The possibility turned into anger with the changes my body has seen this last year. Yes, I can still walk but I can’t say what another year will bring.

The journey continues. I set out on a quest to get back to me. Accept what I can not change. Change what I still have control over. Myself, my mind, and my health. ( that is be the healthiest me I can be)

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16 thoughts on “Back to Myself

  1. My sweet baby sister,you have succeeded in making me cry again! I am glad you know i will always be here for you,I love you so much!you are such an inspiration to me!yes your gona loose yourself once in a while,thats ok!You of all people always finds whatever was lost and bounce back!p.s I love our tats!so glad we finally got em!

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  2. Congrats on your birthday and I think the matching tats are very cool. Sorry to hear this past year has been so hard. I know you mean about losing a bit of yourself. All the best for the coming months – wishing you joy and peace. ((Hugs))

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  3. You wonderful, beautiful,thoughtful and awesomely amazing woman. I realize this year has been so difficult for you and I can tell you this. I want to be in your life forever and I know there are things I need to do to make that happen and you should know I will always be here for you no matter the circumstances. I love you more than I will ever be able to show or tell you.

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  4. My Bestie!!! I love everything you have become! True you may not be who you once were but that is okay! This is a new chapter in your life with trials and tribulations. If anyone can bring awareness to this horrible disease it is you…I have the upmost respect and so much love for you….Not only did our children find there soul mates with each other but I have found my sister that I never had. I am here for you forever and always!

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  5. Losing what we do is hard in our society where so much of others perceptions of who we are starts with “what we do.” After more than 10 years with MS, I am coming to understand ms can change what we can do, but I rarely hear about it changing who we are. I still love my family and all their hugs represent. I still hate lies and seeing others hurt. When all is said and done, I am not so very different than I was before MS. I hope this year is kind to you.

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