It was a normal day. Rushing to get the kids off to school and get ready for the work day. Feed the dogs. The usual stuff or so I thought. I didn’t feel good that morning. Which I guess should have been a clue. I hadn’t had so much as a cold in years. That’s exactly how I felt though like I was catching a cold. No biggie life keeps going right! I remember having a little time to relax because I was working later that day and thought a cup of tea might help.
I became very fatigued. I thought oh please don’t let this be the flu. I don’t have time for this with the kids and I was a retail manager and it’s October. As I went to leave for work my left leg was so heavy. It was like sandbags were tied to my ankle. My eye started twitching and I had double vision in my left eye. I drove to work but the scary part is I don’t remember the drive just arriving in the parking lot at work. It was a struggle to get out of my car. The walk in was worse. My left foot is now dragging.
My boss saw this and called a co-worker to take me to the hospital. When I arrived I had lost all use of my left side. Eye still twitching non stop and double vision. Their first thought was TIA and rushed me for an MRI. Mean while waiting to find out what’s next. They did more test. Cognitive test was one of them. They held up pictures and I was supposed to tell them what they were. Needless to say I failed. I knew what the pictures were but a random word would come out. Ok I’m a little worried now!
MRI showed no signs of TIA. The doctor said he had to consult with a Neurologist before he knew anything and in the mean time they would run more tests. The next morning the Neurologist said he was pretty sure it was MS but he had to rule out other diseases first.
You see where I’m going with this. So I won’t include the boring details. After 11 days in the hospital I finally went home. I was never again the person I was before that day. Life goes on and that’s how my journey began.
I suppose you would be angry, sad, and all kinds of other emotions dealing with this. Then, as you say, life goes on and you have to adjust to keep your sanity. I don’t know how I would cope but, I think blogging must be helpful for you.
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I’ve never really been angry. I do miss the old me at times because I was a very active and independent person. The hardest part has been learning to accept help and not feel like a burden. I’m much better about accepting help but I’m still working on not feeling like a burden and I imagine I will be for years to come. Blogging has been a wonderful outlet. 🙂
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Thank you for sharing your life with us. I agree–Blogging is absolutely a good outlet. I spoke with my psychiatrist today and I said it’s the sense of community that strikes me most of all.
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I can feel every word you wrote as it had been me there. I’m a new blogger and trying to find support, thank you for following! And I also strongly believe that everything happens for a reason, like you..
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You’re welcome. I look forward to following your journey.
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Blessings on your journey to deal with this illness. I look forward to reading your posts. Your upbeat spirit will be a huge bonus for you and I agree things happen for a reason even when we can’t see what that reason my be.
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Thank you
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Nothing can prepare you for a life-changing relapse can it, especially if you didn’t know you had MS? My diagnosis was so similar, it’s crazy all of the different symptoms we try to power through hoping they will just disappear. I too dragged myself into work during a relapse even though I couldn’t even walk in a straight line! Your blog is really inspirational and I look forward to following it. Best wishes 🙂
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Thank you Natalie.
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Reblogged this on Dream Big, Dream Often and commented:
This is MSnubutterflies!!
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Thank you for sharing! My journey began after I had a hip replacement. That’s when they found MS. Crazy journey we are on! 😜
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What a story! Very inspiring, and bless you for staying so calm. It was really interesting to read about your journey and your love of blogging. Wishing you the best.
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Thank you
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I’m glad you shared this.
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🙂
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I’m glad to know your story. Thank you. I’m also searching for a way to identify with what it must be like. The best I can come up with is when I sprained my ankle years ago and was on crutches for a few weeks. I recall being angry. First at me, for falling down the steps in the first place (new bifocals and Philly Art Museum steps) then at the fact that I had to ask for help. I didn’t have trouble accepting it, but I got angry st my husband when I had to ask him to do something. I wanted him to anticipate my needs. Seems crazy now, wanting him to read my mind. But I also knew it was temporary.
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Thank you so much for stopping by. That means a lot to me that you try to understand what it’s like. I still struggle with accepting help. I’m better about it than I was. I catch myself snapping at loved ones on occasion and then of course I feel so terrible. I think they understand I’m really upset with myself not them.
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Yes, exactly. My anger was so sabotaging too. Whether directed at myself or my husband. I think I kept thinking “this is not the way it’s supposed to be.” I was fighting the reality. It was exhausting.
I look forward to reading more of your stories. And your recipes. (Though my hubs does all the daily cooking and he doesn’t do carbs).
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😊
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